FrenchMolasses

1. "You won't live with mendacity? Well, you're an expert at it! The truth is pain and sweat and payin' bills and makin' love to a woman that you don't love any more. Truth is dreams that don't come true, and nobody prints your name in the paper 'til you die."

2. "WRONG. Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God! What is that thing," will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever."

3. "Perhaps you're interested in how a man undresses. You know, it's a funny thing about that. Quite a study in psychology. No two men do it alike. You know, I once knew a man who kept his hat on until he was completely undressed. Yeah, now he made a picture. Years later, his secret came out. He wore a toupee. Yeah. You know, I have a method all my own. If you notice, the coat came first, then the tie, then the shirt. Now, uh, according to Hoyle, after that, the, uh, pants should be next. There's where I'm different... I go for the shoes next. First the right, then the left. After that it's, uh, every man for himself."

4. "--Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple.
--That's 105 percent."
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

5. "-- I pray thee now tell me, for which of my bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me?
-- For them all together, which maintained so politic a state of evil that they will not admit any good part to intermingle with them: but for which of my good parts did you first suffer love for me?
-- Suffer love. a good epithet, I do suffer love indeed, for I love thee against my will.
-- In spite of your heart, I think. Alas poor heart, if you spite it for my sake, I will spite it for yours, for I will never love that which my friend hates.
-- Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably."
Much Ado About Nothing

6. "-- Get in here. Ain't ya scared? Ain't ya scared of dyin'?
-- Dyin'? Boy, he can have this little life any time he wants to. Do ya hear that? Are ya hearin' it? Come on. You're welcome to it, ol' timer. Let me know you're up there. Come on. Love me, hate me, kill me, anything. Just let me know it.
[He looks around] I'm just standin' in the rain talkin' to myself."

7. "-- You don't like raisins?
-- Not really.
-- Why?
-- They used to be fat and juicy and now they're twisted. They had their lives stolen. Well, they taste sweet, but really they're just humiliated grapes. I can't say I am a big supporter of the raisin council."

8. "-- I don't see anything I don't like about you.
-- But you will! But you will, and I'll get bored with you and feel trapped, because that's what happens with me.
-- Okay."
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

9. "-- Do not kill. Do not rape. Do not steal. These are principles which every man of every faith can embrace.
-- These are not polite suggestions, these are codes of behavior, and those of you that ignore them will pay the dearest cost.
-- There are varying degrees of evil. We urge you lesser forms of filth, not to push the bounds and cross over, into true corruption, into our domain.
-- For if you do, one day you will look behind you and you will see we three, and on that day you will reap it.
-- And we will send you to whatever god you wish."

The Boondock Saints

10. "Y'all got on this boat for different reasons, but y'all come to the same place. So now I'm asking more of you than I have before. Maybe all. Sure as I know anything, I know this - they will try again. Maybe on another world, maybe on this very ground swept clean. A year from now, ten? They'll swing back to the belief that they can make people... better. And I do not hold to that."

NEVER, Ever suggest going to the Penfield Wegmans instead of the Pittsford one just because its closer to where you work. You will regret it. It'll take you much longer to wander around the Penfield Wegman's while said 91 year old compares and contrasts every freaking item in the store to the things he remembers from the Pittsford Wegman's. And you'll want to kill yourself, or more likely, him.

NEVER suggest buying a new string of lights when a bulb on the old string dies and you can't figure out which one it is. This will result in a long fight. Which you will lose, because he won't spend the 1.29 to buy some new goddamned lights. And he won't let *you* spend the money either. It's wasteful. And the fight will take away the precious time it'll take to go through the entire fucking string to find the fucking bulb that doesn't work.

If he ever says to you "I have to tell you about the adventure I had trying to park at the Y this afternoon. But not right now, we have to wait until we get home so I can draw you a diagram..." RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. When you get home, hide under your bed, feign sleep, illness, or possibly death to avoid him.

I'd explain further, but I don't have time to draw out a diagram because I have to go through all the fucking Christmas lights ;-)

Was world peace declared? No.

Did the love of my life appear before me with roses and a poem about how wonderful I am? Please.

Did I win the lottery? Not likely.

Did I get a promotion or raise at work? As if.

Did I at least get laid? Yah, that's just laughable.

So what makes this the best day ever?

I found a plastic carton full of books that I packed away apparently a long time ago. And I went through them. And I found like all my favorite books from two years ago.

ee cummings
500 James Joyce books
How the Irish Saved Civilization
The Essential Rumi
The Love Poems of James Laughlin
Genius by Harold Bloom
My entire Faulkner collection
The Collected Poems of Seamus Heaney
Gulliver's Travels
The House of Spirits
Plus lots lots more

Oh my god I may never leave my house again.

Wow. I am such a dork.

Anyway, I'm posting a quote from today's strip because it made me giggle.

"I look at my life and it just seems so depressing that I'm not sure if I was really born or if Morrissey sang me into existence." Teehee.

We've gotten all our kids' stuff in for the holidays at LNT and one of the things we got was an Elmo "Learn to Use the Potty" book. You know the ones that have the little buttons on the side of the book and you push them and they have recorded sounds or phrases? Yah. One of those.

We sold one the other day and the next day a lady came in furious that the thing was evil. Apparently her 2 year old had been playing with it in his room and came out and said to his mother over and over again "Who wants to die?" Sure enough, one of the recorded messages on the Elmo book was the phrase "Who wants to die?" That is screwed up on so many levels. We checked all the other books and two had the same defect. The rest said "It's Potty Time"

In other news, I'm responsible for cooking Thanksgiving dinner this year. So anyone who lives near by, don't worry... I have the fire extinguisher permenantely attached to my waist and the number for Poison Control programmed into my phone ;-)

Why on earth would someone send you a bizarre IM and then say they really need to talk to you, but not over AIM? And then not answer their phone. Or return your calls. And then IM you again with some weird cryptic non-sensical IM that is only 2 "words" long. Stay online for half an hour without saying anything else. Sign off. And still not call you. This has been going on for FOUR DAYS.

Does he not understand that this may worry me? Upset me? Hurt me? Affect me in some way?

I swear to God he's intentionally fucking with my head at this point. I'm so sick of this. And he's supposed to be my best friend. Fuck it.